Mark Twain Quotes

It ain't those parts of the Bible

that I can't understand that bother me,

it is the parts that I do understand.

There is no distinctly American criminal class

except Congress.

A man's character may be learned from

the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.

The world owes you nothing.

It was here first.

Never put off till tomorrow

what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Truth is stranger than fiction,

but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities;

Truth isn't.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Do the right thing.

It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Good friends,

good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

The best way to cheer yourself

up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

A man cannot be comfortable

without his own approval.

Never pick a fight with people

who buy ink by the barrel.

Go to Heaven for the climate,

Hell for the company.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles,

but most of them never happened.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel

in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

In the first place,

God made idiots.

That was for practice.

Then he made school boards.

I didn't attend the funeral,

but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel

that has crushed it.