10000+ Motivational and Inspiring Quotes About Life, Love & Success

Predicting rain doesn’t count.

Building arks does.

I’m not a fan of the mainstream.

Show me something I haven't seen before.

True teaching cannot be learned from textbooks

any more than a sunbeam can be learned from a physics book.

God has always given me the strength to say what is right.

I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up,

this diminishes fear;

knowing what must be done does away with fear.

What a kid I got,

I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me

about the butcher and my wife.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...

I said to a bartender,

Make me a zombie.

He said 'God beat me to it.'

I told my wife the truth.

I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.

Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist,

two plumbers, and a bartender.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me

with a sling shot.

One year they asked me

to be poster boy for birth control.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life.

In fact,

I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee.

Unfortunately,

she was just coming home.

I came from a real tough neighborhood.

I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

My wife was afraid of the dark...

then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

Men who do things without being

told draw the most wages.

My wife can't cook at all.

She made chocolate mousse.

An antler got stuck in my throat.

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope.

He wants to reform the world.

When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world,

but he knows he can't.

Some dog I got too.

We call him Egypt.

Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow.

he told me to wear a brown tie.