10000+ Motivational and Inspiring Quotes About Life, Love & Success

If it wasn't for pick

pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night.

I controlled myself.

I looked up my family tree and found out

I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found

three dogs using it.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me

with a sling shot.

With me, nothing goes right.

My psychiatrist said my wife and

I should have sex every night.

Now, we'll never see each other!

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life.

In fact,

I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

My wife was afraid of the dark...

then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.

He said I was being ridiculous

everyone hasn't met me yet.

With my wife I don't get no respect.

I made a toast on her birthday to

the best woman a man ever had.

The waiter joined me.

I am persuaded,

you will permit me to observe,

that the path of true piety,

is so plain as to require,

but little political direction.

Being no bigot myself to any mode of worship,

I am disposed to endulge the professors of,

Christianity in the church,

that road to heaven which to them,

shall seem the most direct plainest easiest and least liable to exception.

I have no other view than to promote the public good,

and am unambitious of honors not founded,

in the approbation of my Country.

Over grown military establishments are

under any form of government inauspicious to liberty,

and are to be regarded as particularly hostile to republican liberty.

It is far better to be alone,

than to be in bad company.

Every known fact in natural science

was divined by the presentiment of somebody,

before it was actually verified.

Curiosity is lying in wait for every secret.

The revelation of thought takes men out of servitude into freedom.

The smoothest curled courtier in the boudoirs of

a palace has an animal nature,

rude and aboriginal as a white bear.

God screens us evermore from premature ideas.